Friendship

Putting friendship in perspective.

Everyone talks about the friendships they have. We hear of best friends, closest friends, buddies, pals, and everything else showcasing the people who are closest to us in various classification outside our families.

At the same time we hear that we have to distinguish between our so called friends and actual true friends; friends that become family and the fact that our social circles become larger as we get older but our friends become fewer.

I personally think that everyone might not agree on the factors that guide this and I have constantly evaluated all that at every stage of my life but I think the part that every one will agree with and be truthful with themselves about is the fact that your true friendships will be put in perspective when you face difficult times.

I went into my cancer treatment silently without informing my family or friends until I felt it was necessary. I got a whole lot of support from my friends when they were informed especially those closest to me. Those ones that I call family. I can definitely say they know me more than my family.

They all showed their support in their own ways. Some came to chemotherapy sessions with me regularly while others called daily to check up on me. Some paid or chipped in for my chemotherapy sessions while others brought meals and fruits to my house regularly.

I remember some friends I had from secondary school (High school) came together and planned a surprise get-together for me. That was the best feeling ever. I had not seen some of these girls in more than a decade but they saw the need to make me feel special and supported by arranging a surprise photo shoot and get-together once they heard of my illness.

There and then I knew I was highly blessed by God. It was the most touching and sweetest thing anyone had done for me. It was their way of showing me that they cared and yes, they ordered a lot of amazing food.

I knew during this journey that I definitely had people who ensured they were there when I needed someone to talk to or needed some sort of emotional support. God knows I owe every single one of them.

You then have the acquaintances who just prove to have a good heart. Those who you know but are not actually friends. You might just know them as friends of a friend or might just be colleagues but basically, they are not people you expect any concern from.

I was surprised to get some of them show immense concern for me and be there when I did not expect them. It was calming and nice to see that there were people who would be there for you just because they have a good heart.

I had a colleague that I hardly ever spoke to. We just said hello to each other when our paths crossed but never went beyond that.

During these hard times, I noticed she began to call and pray for me. Now, you know nothing beats taking the time to put someone in your prayers so it meant a lot to me especially when people like her did that frequently.

They say tragedy either makes or breaks a relationship and I definitely had my situation make some good relationships with people I saw as acquaintances. Such people make you keep faith in humanity knowing that there are still a lot of people with good hearts in the world.

However, you cant shake off the disappointment presented to you when faced with the fact that some friends left you during such hard times. Like I said earlier, tragedy either makes or breaks relationships. As I noticed myself make new friends I also noticed some close friends drift away. Some just stopped all forms of communication once they were informed of my situation. It's what we know as 'Ghosting'.

However, when you sit back and think about it, you realize they were never truly your friends in the first place.They were around for their convenience.

I had a close friend who happened to also be a colleague. We also had many mutual friends. However, once I began my chemotherapy, I never heard from him again. It was weird that someone I spoke to almost everyday happened to ghost me.

I had another close friend who was basically my foodie partner. we always tried out new restaurants together and talked almost frequently but once the cancer came around, Ghost!

I thought to myself once that they probably were too emotional to see me in my bad state. You would think that once I was in remission they would reach out right? Wrong!

I sat down one day and thought about the relationship and realized how very one sided it was. I was always the one covering up for my colleague at work and the one who always loaned them money and in some cases, the money was never returned.

It sucks to be the cushion for someone but left drying when in need so I just cut off the friendships completely. Some people are in your life for a reason while others are in for a season.

The lesson is that you always have to be appreciative and grateful for the people in your life who prove to be on your side. We do take such things for granted some times and act tough when we are in bad terms with people who have proven to love us in their way. You can never tell who will be there when you need someone and who would leave you high and dry.

I also think that some difficulties in our lives serve as a reset button which makes things clearer and reprograms our thinking and level of appreciation. but in all things, we must remain grateful to God.